I know summer is a time to be relaxed and enjoy being free, don’t get me wrong I have been enjoying myself, but there is this irritating worry at the back of my mind which refuses to let me relax. The type that visits in the dead of the night, to inflict worry into my mind which has been trying to hard to evade the thought. This thought is the all consuming idea of the uncertainty that my future now contains. The idea that in a matter of months I might not be sitting in this very bed in my comfortable room that I’ve spent so many years in. This room has played such a massive role in my life. Which got me to thinking about the concept of a “home.”
We as human beings are totally dependent on the idea of life being organised and a matter of routine. It is indeed this idea of routine which allows life as we know it to progress and maintain prosperity and growth. However on the flipside there is this total all consuming element of uncertainty to life which humans do not embrace so much. The way life evolves around routine is a direct rejection of the uncertainty that life warrants, that we will inevitably run into at some point in our lives. Routine is a way to get through our day to day lives, to distract us from the uncertainties of life on the whole.
What if I don’t like my new home? What if I don’t like the people I live with? What if I don’t like the neighborhood? What is it, that makes a home? All these what-ifs have highlighted the level of extreme independence which I’ve had upon my parents, living in their house, eating their food…etc etc. It also brought up the idea that this house has never really belonged to me at all, yet I have been so comfortable within it throughout my life I have come to know it as a HOME. How can I ever transform any other place I come to live in in the future into this homely structure I have been brought up within? Will it ever feel the same?
Throughout all these unanswered questions and self revelations I have been overcome with a huge element of detachment and loneliness. The reluctance to let go of the things that we are used to, the things that we depend on is typical of the fear of uncertainty, the fear of change. However, we come to realise that change is the only certain thing in our lives and throughout our lives we learn to adapt. It is through experience that we really learn what it is that makes a home. I have only lived one chapter of my life in this home, there will come a time in quite possibly months, that I will open a new chapter of my life experiencing new things impacting my concepts of what is a home and what is my routine. Life changes and we learn to change with it. It might be hard at first but if you think of any other hard situation in your life, you have inevitably got through it in some shape or form otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You perceive the problem, deal with it and continue on, embracing whatever changes come with each problem/transition/change.
“Let the shards fall where they may.”